Dawn's Evolution

My presentation was last night.
I had been dreading it for too long, I put of studying and refused to touch it until I absolutely had to.
I was one of the last students to speak, so I could enjoy watching the other students screw up, have blackouts and get roasted by the Teacher and the representatives from the companies.
So yeah, I was plenty scared and overwhelmed when it was my turn to get up in front of the class.
My hands were shaking, my knees were shaking, I stood in front of the class with my notes, clicked on my slides and it all went black.

I don't know how I did it, but I did it.
I spoke eloquently, said all I needed to say and for the first time ever I actually spoke loudly enough for the entire class to hear me.
When I was finished I let out a sigh of relief, called up the next speaker, clicked away my slide and took my seat.
I'd survived it, but the worst was yet to come.
To say the teacher and representative roasted us in front of the class would be a vast understatement.
He attacked us full force, she attacked us full force and then a few classmates decided to join the roasting.
And the worst part was, that I had seen it coming. Yep.

See my team consisted of 4 people. Before me there were 2 speakers, one did the introductions and spoke about the company history, the other spoke about current state of the company. Which is where it all went down hill.
See this speaker works at the company that we analyzed, so instead of speaking about our report he just spoke about how he saw the company as an employee there.

Which he gave far too much information and some of it went against what stood in our report. Which is what prompted the roasting.

I am angry at him, but even angrier at myself.
I was a part of it all and I let it happen.
Next time will be better.

I started a new job a few months ago.
I mulled it over quite a bit because, while I was unhappy with the management, I was pretty comfortable at my old job.
The pay was good, the work was light, I knew what was expected of me and they were allready impressed with my work.
I was comfortable.

And then I got this offer.
It was something new., bigger responsibility, better pay and a new challenge.
My old boss wasn't so happy with me leaving, but he could not offer me the same pay and he was a bastard, so I left.
My last day was on a Friday and I started at the new job on Monday.
Yep, no rest for me.

The first month on the new job was all about getting to know the new people, getting to know my new responsibilities and stressing about the change in my already comfortable routine.
Having a new boss and new coworkers meant I had to learn new work habits. I had to learn what this boss expected of me.
My old boss was a bit of a dictator and everything had to go through him. You had no freedom and no room to be creative. The new boss likes go getters, people that get things done on their own.
Call up clients, stay in contact and just keep him updated.
So it was a switch for me.

As the new girl I am still trying to find my place in all of this. I now have a better idea of what is expected of me and what my coworkers are like.
I now know their work culture a bit better now.
I know who I can turn to and for what.
I know who I have to hound to get stuff done.

It's fun, it's a new challenge, I'm scared out of my mind and it's my step forward.
I love this because I no longer feel like I am standing still, like I was in my last job. I am learning new skills and challenging my self to be better.
I was scared out of my mind to take this step, but I am happy I did.
It keeps me moving forward.

So here's to new challenges and growth,

I have presentations and exams coming up this month and yet I am not focused.
Instead I am youtubing, sleeping, reading fiction or watching dvd's. I really need to pick up my books and get ready but I'm not.
I'm avoiding touching my coursework like it's infected with some horrible disease. Even this blog post is a manner of avoidance.

Why am I like?
Why do I feel the need to avoid the work I am supposed to be doing in favor of doing nothing. At this point I have been spending more hours just staring at the walls of my bedroom than doing actual school work.
I'd rather sit bored out of my mind than touch my school work.
Even when I know I need to do it if I want my credits for this semester.
Even though I know I need the credits for this semester.
Even though I know that I probably won't be getting a "do-over" for this.

Where does this self-destruction come from?
Where does this need for avoidance come from?
Where does this need to flee come from?
Simply put, how did I get so lazy? When did I get so lazy?
And most importantly how do I snap out of it?

Do you guys ever get days like this?

Inspired from Zen Habits.

Well that's a hard question, there is so much I still want to experience and do. I'm still so young and I have spend most of my life waiting for my life to actually begin. Just waiting instead of going out there and actually living it.

But if I truly had a short time to live, what would I do? Probably recreate "The last Holiday"
- Empty my bank accounts and go to the Bahamas.
I've always wanted to travel and I have yet to set foot outside my country. I want to experience snow(just 1 day). I want to see blue oceans and beautiful beaches. But if I had limited funds I would just settle for the sun and sand(Bahamas).
I'll experience snow in my next lifetime.

-Walk on the beach and watch the sunset. I've always dreamed of a romantic walk on the beach. You know the one where you are walking hand in hand with your love and watching the sun set.
I want to dance on that beach under the stars and dip my feet into the ocean, just so I can literally get my feet wet.

- I will probably cry myself to sleep on the last night, because of all the things I never got to do. the life I never got to live. All that I never got to experience.
Things like:

• true and trustworthy friendship
• the joy of owning my own home (and car)
• having a child
• writing that book
• writing that screenplay
• marrying the love of my life.

On my last day I would also write a letter to my future incarnation, just to let myself know what I had wasted. And to make sure I do not make the same mistakes again.
I hope I get it.

What about you? What would you do?

Image by malla_mi via FlickrA few months ago I went shopping with my family. We picked up some clothes and I needed a new belt. In one of the stores my uncle ran into a coworker with who he ended up chatting for a few minutes.
Afterward when we left he made the comment that inspired this post: There are tons of cheap clothing stores nowadays, you don't need to spend lots of money on clothing.

To which I replied: but the quality is very bad.
Him: So? How long do you expect to hold on to one shirt? How many times do you expect to wear one shirt?
Me: I keep my clothes and wear them quit often. I have a dress that's 8 years old I think.
Him: That's not exactly a good character trait. You really should get rid of that dress.

Yeah not likely!

So where are you in this discussion?
Do you prefer like me to invest in quality clothes that will last you?
Or do you prefer to buy a bunch of cheap clothes that will not last long?
My teacher in highschool once said that she would rather buy seven new shirts and wear a different one everyday than spend the same amount on one shirt that would last her.
For the longest time I had the same mindset, untill I truly evaluated my clothing-choices and habits.

I keep my closet small. I buy new things once a month and purge the old stuff once a year. Buying new clothes is always a hassle for me as I need clothing for work, school, going out and some stuff to lounge in.

While my school garments tend to be cheap, mostly just jeans and a simple top, my work and going out attire needs to be a bit high end.
For work I prefer something profession and lasting because I do want to make a good impression upon my bosses and clients. And I do not like to have to constantly buy new clothes for work as finding the good stuff takes far more time than I usually have.
For work I need a uniform. Just standards: blouses, dress pants, dark-wash jeans and blazers.
On my dress pants I have to spend some extra money because finding a good pair in my size is practically impossible. I don't need many and I love the fact that the few I do own will last me a while.
I don't need to go to work all flashy I just want to look well put together and professional. Finding pieces I like is hella hard so I tend to hold onto the good ones I find for as long as possible. This is an area I do need to invest in.

Going out?
I go out on a whim most of the time and for those occasions I just go to the back of my closet, pick out a dress and go. I love dresses because they are easy, beautiful and girly. Also there is no need to match which is a real time saver for me.
Because I mostly do not know when I will be going out I like to keep a few dresses in my closet at the ready for those occasions. These dresses will of course have to last me for obvious reasons (hehe).
But mostly because I can not be bothered to go shopping because I NEED something new. I never find something good when I need it.
For the most part I like building a wardrobe not just buying clothes.

Posted in Carnival of Personal finance

Growing up most children learn about money from their parents. Some parents take the time to show their kids how to handle money, how to save etc, while others just lead by example.
My mom has always been a frugal woman. Well she had to be, she was a single mother raising 3 daughters.

1. Keep track of your income and expenses
She had a low salary and still tried to take of us on her own, she used to write down all of her expenses on notepads.
I can remember her notepads on the side table, she would make columns and write a description and amount each day. She would close it of at the end of each month and sit with a calculator before she would start on the new month. I always admired her drive and her ability to stick to this habit as I most of the time do not know where some of my cash is going. I need to start tracking my money like my mother did.

2. Generate multiple streams of income
My mother her strategy for getting by was generating multiple streams of income. She would bake cookies or cakes to sell. She knew how to sew so she took orders from people and had her little side business. The money she made from sewing alone was enough for us to live on so she left her salary untouched on the bank.
My mother never finished highschool but kept her focus on courses that she knew would make her money. She took cooking and baking courses, she took courses on sewing and how to create the popular traditional dresses. To this day she still uses the skills she learned at these courses. She now not only bakes and sews but now also teaches these skills to others, while still maintaining her day job(albeit with reduced hours but still full pay).

3. Save through automatic payments
This is something I recently picked up from her after her virtually drilling it in my head since job one. I had always been saving my money the wrong way by keep it all on one account. So when I felt like shopping I would end up going into my savings. I wish I had picked this up much sooner.

4. Make sure the money you are saving is not easily accessible
Makes sense right?
And still I was making this huge mistake. For as long as I can remember my mom has been saving for me and my sisters, we all had our own savings accounts safely tucked away. We could not touch the money even though we really wanted to use that cash to buy new toys(or clothes).

5. Windfalls, gifts etc go directly into savings
Every birthday or good report card me and my sisters would get some money from family members as congratulatory gifts. My mom would take this money and deposit it directly in our savings accounts. We would sometimes kick and scream because we want to spend the cash but ultimately I am thankful for her decision. This is something I have really been slacking on. All my monetary gifts have been spend on frivolous things and I now regret not taking her teachings to heart much sooner.

6. Save for big purchases do not borrow (unless it's a house or car)
Another important lessons I learned from my mother was to avoid loans as much as possible. If you really want it: then you should save for it. If you can not save for it then you must not really want it or you just can not afford it. This is a lesson I fully embraced, even now I am working full time to save for my school tuition instead of taking a student loan. No matter how they market those loans to us at school I stay away, because interest is interest and I do not want to spend years paying of probably twice of what I actually borrowed.

This is some of what my mother thought me, how about you? Any money lessons to share?

I realised after a lot of soul searching and analyzing my spending that the main thing that can keep me from reaching my financial goals is my need to take care of my family.
I want to take care of my mother, so I spend money on things I think she needs but does not buy for herself.
I want to take care of my mother, so I spend money on things my sisters need and want that my mom can not afford.
I want to take care of my mother, so I spend money on things she wants but does not buy for herself.
I want to take care of my mother so I try to relieve her financial burden all the while stagnating my own financial growth.

This is the big thing that can put me in debt. The big eye opener for me was when I decided that I wanted to buy my own car. I knew which car I wanted and I knew the approximate cost but the thing that was holding me back was my mom.

She didn't want me to get my own car yet as she thinks I am too young. In my mind I listed the reasons I did not need to buy a car now and they all revolved around my mom.
If I buy a car now, I will have less money to spend on my mom.
If I buy a car now, I will have less money to help out my mom and sisters.

And I know I need to step away from this caretaker or gravedigger mentality. My mom is a grown up, she's made a few bad financial choices in her life and is now paying for it but that is her burden not mine.
I am in the process of making the same mistakes that she made when she started working. She tried to do more than she could. She tried to lighten the load for her mom, she had to buy all the things she had been deprived of when she was younger. She had to give her daughters all the things her mother had never been able to give her as a child. And now she can not give us anything. I do not want to end up like that, I need to start putting my own needs first.
So this year is going to be about me.